Partners for Collaborative Solutions
Inquiring with Clients about their Untapped Off-The-Wall Attempted Solution Ideas
Many of our clients at one time or another, without professional help, have come up with some pretty outrageous or off-the-wall solution strategies that they failed to implement, thinking that they would not work or were not powerful enough to completely resolve their problems. However, what we have found over the years is that their untapped off-the-wall ideas are not only much more creative than anything we could come up with but may have the potential to successfully resolve their difficulties once implemented. This is why we routinely ask couple partners and parents the following question: “Has there been anything you had thought of, even if it was quite crazy off-the-wall, that you thought about trying out with your partner/son/daughter but you held off from testing it out because you didn’t think it would work?” The answer to this question can produce novel change strategies worthwhile implementing. The case example below nicely illustrates how by asking this question can produce a highly successful parenting outcome. or off-the-wall, that you thought about trying out with your partner/son/daughter but you held off from testing it out because you didn’t think it would work?” The answer to this question can produce novel change strategies worthwhile implementing. The case example below nicely illustrates how by asking this question can produce a highly successful parenting outcome.
Successful Off-The-Wall Idea in Family Therapy
Cindy and Steve were seeing me (MS) for their inability to get their four sons ranging from: 10-17 years of age to follow their rules, do their chores, and do their homework on a consistent basis. They had tried yelling, pleading, bribery, giving consequences, and grounding, but nothing worked. After asking the above question, Steve shared his off-the-wall idea. He had felt since it was “mutiny on the bounty in their home where the pirates had taken over the ship” that he and his wife had been “dethroned” by their kids and had “no power.” Steve’s idea was for him and Cindy to have their suitcases packed by the front door when their kids would come home from school. When asked by their children where they were going, they were to respond with, “You no longer need us, you can obviously parent yourselves, and we are moving out.” Since the treatment process was at a standstill and the boys had refused to come to our sessions, I thought, and so did the couple, that it might be worthwhile testing out Steve’s off-the-wall idea. The next day, the couple had implemented this change strategy and it produced a transformative outcome with their kids’ behaviors. Not only did they plead with their parents not to leave but they became much more cooperative with them by respecting their rules and staying on top of their responsibilities, particularly after hearing from them that they had a window of three days to toe the line with their behaviors, or they would leave. Another bonus for the parents was the kids opening up with them more about specific concerns, family changes they wanted, and seeking their love and support. The kids also joined us in family therapy.
Clearly, through the parents’ novel and quite dramatic move, successfully disrupted the longstanding, problem-maintaining power struggle pattern with their kids’ and sparked more positive and responsible behaviors from them. In general, we find it useful to capitalize on our clients’ past successful strategies and use them as models for future success with their current difficulties. That said, give the above question a try, both you and your clients might be pleasantly surprised by the positive results that occur once this off-the-wall idea is finally implemented.
If you’re looking for consultation with your staff’s most difficult cases, schedule an in-house training session with Partners for Collaborative Solutions today!