Partners for Collaborative Solutions
ADOLESCENT MENTORING HIS OR HER PARENTS
With clinical situations where the adolescent is longing to get closer to one of his or her disengaged or more peripheral parents, the adolescent mentoring his or her parents is a fun and highly effective ritual for strengthening their relational bond. While meeting alone with the adolescent, he or she takes the lead in determining which one of their top skills he or she would enjoy trying to teach the designated parent they would like to connect better with and have a stronger relationship with. In the past, we have had adolescents teach the designated parent how to play an instrument, learn how to work in a wide range of art mediums, sew, design and build furniture, how to be a better cook or baker, become a better dancer, and so forth. After the adolescent decides which one of his or her top skills he or she wishes to teach the designated parent, we will then meet with him or her to come up with a schedule of lessons over the next week. The lessons can be any where from 30-60 minutes, depending on both parties’ schoolwork and work schedules and other important commitments. Many parents will agree to commit to 2-3 times per week for their lessons. Our ground rules are that the lesson context is a sacred space where digital devices and family member distractions are not allowed. Additionally, the designated parent has to be a good and respectful student with their son or daughter and not be critical of his or her teaching abilities. The parent can ask questions when confused or in need of further clarification.
When successful, not only does the parent achieve mastery in a new skill area but he or she comes to discover how talented and creative his or her son or daughter is and they often report having had greatly enjoyed their special time together. In fact, some parents have even contracted with their adolescents for another week of lessons! This ritual can dramatically alter parents’ original problem views of their son or daughter and infuse warmth and build more closeness in their relationships with him or her. We also use this ritual with children and young adults.